Yeah, well. You're cool, Helena. You're really cool. [As he sits there in the mostly comfortable silence, Dio is struck by the thought that Helena has always had an unusually loose, vulnerable smile. He doesn't know why this is sticking out to him so much. It's almost certainly not fueled by lust, which would travel through the rest of his body to his fingertips.
Dio realizes he has not once seen her make this expression ever since Wake died.
Several other delineating points had risen to mind first - the most obvious from his own perspective being that he hadn't seen her smiling after his own execution, the second most obvious being the natural ongoing funk after Torri's death and Akechi's trial. The first trial depressed her too, though. It's that. He did this. Dwelling on an act he always considered irrevocable has been way outside of Dio's priorities, but his feelings about the situation rise to the fore. This entire time he's haunted the mall skating around the issue of his culpability, accepting Wake's current disengagement from the matter. Now... he can't not tell her about his mission.]
I know it must be weird I'm calling you cool after I tried to kill you. I can say that I'm sorry the game kept going so long that you had to try breaking the rules. Hey, while we're at it, sure would be better if nobody died at all! That whitewashing doesn't mean jack shit. There's no way I can take back my decision. I was resolved to do it, you know? I crossed the line. Whether you're clean or unclean, any of you guys, it didn't even matter. Doesn't make it better. Either I already knew you didn't deserve to live, or I thought maybe you did and was gonna kill you anyway. That's how it was, plain and simple. The orders I remembered were really clear. Complete the mission at all costs.
I had... the truth is... [He lets out a really deep sigh.] Don't tell the others about this. But those bastards took my memories of completing my mission. [Beat.] I... fucked up here, it was my bad, I should have seen all the stupid signs. [He'd said that rather quickly and now he is moving on. Even though Dio has formed regrets based on the information he has, the guilt is still very unfamiliar, something he wants to reject in favor of enshrining his own survival instincts; and he has grander ambitions on his mind.] Back when I had completed it, I almost thought I could die happy... and now I'm in this shithole.
[He looks right into Helena's eyes, with terrible cold fire.] I won't bullshit you that I don't have anything left to lose. I can't wait to be hailed as a saint in the new world. But this place is just hell, and I haven't been able to get out on my own. I know what might happen if we try to break this cage while we're still inside. [His hand presses against her elbow; he's trying to get her to raise her hand so they can clasp hands.] I'm saying I'll do whatever it takes.
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Yeah, well. You're cool, Helena. You're really cool. [As he sits there in the mostly comfortable silence, Dio is struck by the thought that Helena has always had an unusually loose, vulnerable smile. He doesn't know why this is sticking out to him so much. It's almost certainly not fueled by lust, which would travel through the rest of his body to his fingertips.
Dio realizes he has not once seen her make this expression ever since Wake died.
Several other delineating points had risen to mind first - the most obvious from his own perspective being that he hadn't seen her smiling after his own execution, the second most obvious being the natural ongoing funk after Torri's death and Akechi's trial. The first trial depressed her too, though. It's that. He did this. Dwelling on an act he always considered irrevocable has been way outside of Dio's priorities, but his feelings about the situation rise to the fore. This entire time he's haunted the mall skating around the issue of his culpability, accepting Wake's current disengagement from the matter. Now... he can't not tell her about his mission.]
I know it must be weird I'm calling you cool after I tried to kill you. I can say that I'm sorry the game kept going so long that you had to try breaking the rules. Hey, while we're at it, sure would be better if nobody died at all! That whitewashing doesn't mean jack shit. There's no way I can take back my decision. I was resolved to do it, you know? I crossed the line. Whether you're clean or unclean, any of you guys, it didn't even matter. Doesn't make it better. Either I already knew you didn't deserve to live, or I thought maybe you did and was gonna kill you anyway. That's how it was, plain and simple. The orders I remembered were really clear. Complete the mission at all costs.
I had... the truth is... [He lets out a really deep sigh.] Don't tell the others about this. But those bastards took my memories of completing my mission. [Beat.] I... fucked up here, it was my bad, I should have seen all the stupid signs. [He'd said that rather quickly and now he is moving on. Even though Dio has formed regrets based on the information he has, the guilt is still very unfamiliar, something he wants to reject in favor of enshrining his own survival instincts; and he has grander ambitions on his mind.] Back when I had completed it, I almost thought I could die happy... and now I'm in this shithole.
[He looks right into Helena's eyes, with terrible cold fire.] I won't bullshit you that I don't have anything left to lose. I can't wait to be hailed as a saint in the new world. But this place is just hell, and I haven't been able to get out on my own. I know what might happen if we try to break this cage while we're still inside. [His hand presses against her elbow; he's trying to get her to raise her hand so they can clasp hands.] I'm saying I'll do whatever it takes.